I keep doing everything wrong.
I always thought I owed him.
Maybe it was because I hurt him and left him when I realized things couldn’t go on like that any longer. Maybe it was because I felt guilty for doing so. But today I realized, I didn’t feel sorry, and I shouldn’t be.
People make mistakes, me included. Yes, this mistake cost many inconvenience to those around me but I picked myself up, and tried to do as much damage control as I could. Like I said, somewhere along the lines I fucked up, but this mistake shouldn’t deter me from making any future choices and decisions.
Mistakes do not make you a bad person.
This shouldn’t deter anything I do and he should know that too. Because mistakes are supposed to be learnt from and grown from. Mistakes are supposed to be a reminder, not a haunting. So I won’t say sorry for what I’ve done. There will definitely be regret, and there will definitely be guilt.
But most definitely, I won’t look back.
The title explains my feelings at 3am in the damn morning right now. I guess this is due to the overwhelming thoughts and story plots my brain is trying to come up with but yet I don’t get a valid plot line and once again, I get frustrated at myself.
I have been itching to type on the keyboard lately and to write something but nothing actually comes up, and honestly, it gets really annoying because I love writing. To have such a bad mind bloc like this is killing me. I guess, maybe when you’re actually living in a love story, you start forgetting everything you’ve ever dreamed for.
I had lots of story ideas pop into my head when I was living in an age where fantasies come across really easily. But now? It is so hard to even think of an plot line without me losing interest in it half way through, and I’ve been this way since a year ago.
And to lose passion for the one thing I’ve always loved… It’s agonizing, really.
Hopefully, September can be good to me? I really hope I can start writing something soon because I am just really itching to give something good. And also because my readers have been waiting for a year now… or even 2… So yeah.
Just 2 more weeks and I’m free anyway.