Damage Done

He was someone I cherished.

But somewhere along the lines I messed up, I admit. Before all this, he was one of the few I was proud to call my close friends… and we really hit if off well, as friends. But like I said, somewhere along the lines I did mess up, and maybe there were really some decisions I regret making. But like you said if I didn’t do the things I did, maybe six months down the road we would have already tried and broken up. Maybe things would have been worst, knowing that I might have actually lost the closest friend whom I cherished so much – you.

You’re so much more than who you think you are. To me, you’re so much more than I have ever asked for and I love you, so so much. I don’t ever think even a million words can describe how I feel about you because you’re even more than a million words. Okay, sorry for the cringe guys I had to put it out there because there is this one guy whom I cherish so much that I can’t not talk about him. He was always there when things got tough and he was somehow always the first one I called when I was feeling down, even when I didn’t mention that to him a year back. Somehow, he was always the first one that I think about.

Somehow.

But being the stupid girl I am, I messed up. But if I didn’t mess up, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I would have still been the Drey that took people for granted and only thought of myself, because that’s just how I thought a relationship should be. I was selfish.

I guess I still am.

Today was probably one of the worst days of my life. But because of you, today felt a little better. So thank you, for giving up so many things for me and for sacrificing so much. I’m still trying to do the same and I want to do the same. But I’m slowly learning still.

So forgive me, for the mistakes I’m going to make or have already made. Forgive me because we’re still young and we’re still learning. Forgive me because I’m still immature in some ways. Forgive me, because I love you.

Messed

The title explains my feelings at 3am in the damn morning right now. I guess this is due to the overwhelming thoughts and story plots my brain is trying to come up with but yet I don’t get a valid plot line and once again, I get frustrated at myself.

I have been itching to type on the keyboard lately and to write something but  nothing  actually comes up, and honestly, it gets really annoying because I love writing. To have such a bad mind bloc like this is killing me. I guess, maybe when you’re actually living in a love story, you start forgetting everything you’ve ever dreamed for.

I had lots of story ideas pop into my head when I was living in an age where fantasies come across really easily. But now? It is so hard to even think of an plot line without me losing interest in it half way through, and I’ve been this way since a year ago.

And to lose passion for the one thing I’ve always loved… It’s agonizing, really.

Hopefully, September can be good to me? I really hope I can start writing something soon because I am just really itching to give something good. And also because my readers have been waiting for a year now… or even 2… So yeah.

Just 2 more weeks and I’m free anyway.

Little Things

I guess the saying goes, “you learn new things everyday.”

Today, as I was studying and waiting for a friend to end his work shift, I met an uncle who decided to sit a table away from me. As he was close to finishing his espresso shot and iced tea that he ordered, I looked up to him mouthing words in my direction. I was listening to music thus didn’t manage to hear what he said.

Out of courtesy I took my earpiece out and asked him what he was trying to say, and he asked me if I was studying. Of course, I said yes and he later asked series of random questions that I gladly answered. Out of a sudden, he said I was writing wrongly. As an angst teen in today’s society, of course the first reply that came to my head was “the hell?” But I continued listening to what he had to say.

Surprisingly, what he told me about how I held my pen was actually interesting and I looked at how he held the pen I passed over. It was a kind of grip which you could obviously tell, was how any other old men hold their pens. But still he was kind enough to explain how this different grip was useful and more efficient.

Before he left, he gave me a small wave and returned his cup before walking over. As he left however, a small smile tugged at my lips.

It is rare to find a random stranger coming up to talk to you in the middle of the day especially when you’re in the middle of doing something. But when you’re actually faced with a situation like that, it turns… refreshing.

Like I say, you learn something new everyday.

And today, I did.

Stupid Boy

I’m very afraid: of the aftermath, the consequences.

There will definitely be a day when we are both over it all. There will definitely people who leave and people who stay in the course of this tough period. And after it all, I will know who was there in my darkest days and those who left.

For him: I hope you know I really loved you. You’re the only person who saw through all my flaws and were still willing to accept me for who I am. You gave me strength and even though you’re so damn annoying at times, there will be days where I will look back and think about the moments we indulged in joy.  For every thing you bought for me, I cherish each and every single thing. From the weighing scale you gave me when we were still friends to the rose you bought for me on valentines day. To those museum trips we went to even though it kind of bored you, but you knew I loved it, so you went anyway.

I admit this was entirely my fault. It was also my fault for prolonging our epilogue. But I guess it was too much for me to let go, even if I had to. I was selfish, and still am.

I will remember the days you brought me to the movies and all the times you cooked for me. I will definitely remember times we cuddled till the next morning because we were too tired after training. Those impromptu stay overs and so many moments. You were so many of my firsts. Thank you, for everything.

And so, I guess our story ends here. I love you, stupid boy.

Catch Up

Woah, it has been a whole month since I’ve last updated about life. Indeed have been keeping myself busy busy haha! Jokes on me because the last few weeks have been legit hectic and tiring…

A lot of events zoomed passed these 2 months of October and September… Let’s review: There was HHN6, our trip to Korea, LEAP camp, etc. and oh! The start of  new semester… do you feel my pain.

Life has been rather stagnant. Have decided to stop beating around the bush and focus on my grades together with my leadership positions in school. Going to be joining quite a few events I have in mind thus I really need to learn how to manage my time man. More project works are also coming up so I got to pull myself together and aim for that GPA.

Nothing out of the ordinary… and hopefully it stays this way too.

Busy Busy

Song Recommendation:
Perfect Strangers – Jonas Blue ft. JP Cooper

Man, it sure has been a long time since I’ve typed down my thoughts on keys while the pleasant sound of punching on my keyboard filled the room. Unknowingly, a month flew by just like that.

However, this semester break wasn’t like any other holidays I had experienced. I was legit free. There was no homework nor project I had to stress over its reminder. I could really spread my wings. This led onto some events like MMA training, a job that I’ve taken up, being part of the events team of my school club and a camp that I attended not too long ago.

Things have been getting better with him. We’re back to being nothing more than senior and junior saying ‘hi’ every once in a while (I  guess). And also I’ve really just been truly enjoying life to the max. Went home at 3am yesterday and ended up getting grounded for the next 2 MMA trainings oops.

Hint: She didn’t say I couldn’t go for the open mats now, did she?

Anyways, we are side-tracking here. Back to topic, somehow I felt this holiday was the most productive holiday I’ve ever went through in terms of work done. I kept myself busy not over dramas but actual work instead like wow drey, wow. Not to forget, Korea in 4 days! Really excited and nervous all at the same time omo omo~

Better continue keeping myself busy busy then.

 

Chivalry

Yesterday was the first time a guy had sent me home.

No, no. It wasn’t a date nor was he a special someone. He was just a friend I had made that day and we just so happened to believe in inauspicious timings and this happening 7th month. When insisted that he shouldn’t, he simply brushed it off as ‘chivalry’. So, chivalry is not dead I assume? At least not yet.

It felt weird, somewhat, knowing that this guy that I barely even knew was kind enough to walk me all the way to my block and making sure I was safe before heading on his way home. Somewhat, I felt safe. And somehow, today, I felt a little lonely.

Of coursed we talked on the way, and I might actually come to believe he holds the key to finding myself in this chaotic situation I am in at the moment. Why do I feel that he had figured things about me more than I know myself in that short amount of time that we spent? He understands. He understood what I as going through somehow and even managed to list some advice that was able to iron out my own thoughts.

He was rather sweet I must say, caring and charming exactly. If he was only a tiny bit taller though oh damn haha! But nah, we’re just friends at the moment and plus I still have my mind glued on someone else…

Chivalry sounds good to me.